Long time...

So I realize it's been a freaking long time since I updated this thing, but my friend Woelfel has been posting a lot of these little questionarre deals, and since I'm so full of myself I figured you all would find it delightful to read. Voila!

1. Do you still talk to the person you had your first kiss with?
Wow, how sappy is this answer- Yes, he's my husband.

2. What would you do with 1,000 plastic spoons?
Probably save them for a big party. Or a plastic spoon fight. *because it's dull you nitwit, it'll hurt more!*

3. What kind of music did you listen to in elementary?
I was a huge fan of the kids station on 95.5, which now plays gansta rap. Funny world.

4. What is the best thing about your job?
The fact that I don't have one! Zwing!

5. Do you wish cell phone etiquette was a required class?
No, I wish people had the sense god gave a duck to know when they're being total assholes. They shouldn't have to be taught.

6. What do your boogers taste like?
I would assume like boogers. Lemme go back and ask my first grade self... yep, like boogers.

7. What nicknames were you given in life that have stuck throughout the years?
Nothing has really stuck across the board. My uncle calls me Peedink, which is weird, and from kindergarten to junior high I was Squid. Glad I shook that one.

8. Where are you going on your next vacation?
Probably to Oregon, to see my long lost B.

9. Quote a song lyric?
I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door and it has been painted black
Maybe then Ill fade away and not have to face the facts
Its not easy facin up when your whole world is black
No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue
I could not foresee this thing happening to you
If I look hard enough into the setting sun
My love will laugh with me before the morning comes

10. Are most of the friends in your life new or old?
Probably new. I didn't have friends in school, I was a pretty freaky kid.

11. Do you own any furniture from Wal-mart?
No way, that stuff falls apart if you look at it wrong.

12. If you could be an animal what would you be?
Hopefully something higher on the food chain. Or good at hiding.

13. What province/state/country are you from?
Illinois

14. What provice/state/country would you like to reside in if you had the wealth to chose?
I've never been there, but I hear tell Oregon is a wonderful place.

15. Tell us about the last conversation(s) you had.
Talking about men and vestigial (sp?) evolutionary mating response. God I love being married.

16. Where do you see yourself in one month?
Doing the same damn thing in my newly remodeled house. Yippee!


17. What is your favorite smell?
Hmm, probably fresh cut wood. And citrus.

18. What is your favorite sight?
That's a hard one. I get warm fuzzies when my house is all clean (how sad is that)

19. Do you consider yourself bi-polar?
What happened to doctor/patient confidentiality? I'm gonna have to slap a bitch.

21. Have you ever done anything vindictive to your coworkers?
I once purposely backed into a supervisor's car after she called me a moron. It felt good :)

22. Have you ever gone to therapy? Did it help?
Yes, all they ever want to do is put you on medication. I tend to like my "quirky-ness".

23. Have you ever played Spin the bottle?
No, I was the ugly kid that was never invited to those parties. Can't say I blame them.

24. Have you ever toilet-papered someone's house?
No, too afraid of getting caught.

25. Have you ever liked someone but never told them?
Well, I guess it's time it came out. Tom, I totally like you. Like, LIKE you.

26. Have you ever gone camping?
How else is a teenager supposed to get drunk?

27. Have you ever had a crush on your sister's friend?
My step-sister had plenty of guy friends, but they're all old and she's slept with them all already. (oh snap!)

28. Have you ever been to a nude beach?
No, I wouldn't mind the being nude part, but the other people being nude would be weird.

29. Have you ever had sex on the beach?
No, I have issues with sand.

30. Have you ever had a stalker?
No, but I'm still holding out hope.

31. Have you ever BEEN the stalker?
I really don't know what that would entail. Seems like a lot of work. Bleh.

32. Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?
Almost every time Eric opens his mouth. That boy can deliver.

33. Have you ever gone to a party where you were the only sober one?
I'm usually not the sober one for long.

34. Have you ever been cheated on?
I hope not.

35. Have you ever felt betrayed by your best friend?
Yeah, it sucks when people are in it for what you can do for them.

36. Have you ever lied to your parents?
I've been surprisingly truthful with my mom, I could usually talk her out of being angry with me.

37. Have you ever been out of the US and Canada?
My idiot father dragged my mom and I on a "mission trip" to Central America when I was 13. That was the suck.

38. Have you ever thrown up from working out?
Nope, big is beautiful!

39. Have you ever gotten a haircut so bad that you wore a hat for a month straight?
I should have worn the hat.

40. Have you ever eaten 3 meals from 3 different fast food places in 1 day?
That would be gross.

41. Have you ever gotten so wasted you couldn't remember the night before?
It's not a pretty thing when you wake up with your head serenely resting on the toilet seat.

42. Have you ever spied on someone you had a crush on?
Again, seems like a lot of work.

43. Have you ever slept with one of your coworkers?
I've worked with a lot of ugly people over the years. So no.

44. Kissed more than one person at a time?
I agree with Woelfel-
First of all, I don't know how that works correctly. Second, no. I'm not a kiss whore.

45. Pot?
I have three of differing sizes, two are in the dishwasher.

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WRATH (Evil-ness)

1. Who did you last get angry with?:
The stupid whore that was talking in the movie last night. I have a short fuse.

2. What is your weapon of choice?:
Debate. It's really fun to watch ignorant people get frustrated.

3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex?:
Yep, Bobby can attest.

4. How about of the same sex?:
I never have, but girls fight dirty. No thank you.

5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you?:
Probably my dad. He isn't speaking to me because I don't want email forwards anymore. I'm such a cold-hearted bitch.

6. What is your pet peeve?:
The wanks that socialize in the middle of the walkway at school. And girls.

7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily?:
I never forget. Ever.


SLOTH (Lazy-ness)

1. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a while?:
I forget to eat a lot. I get hungry at inopportune times.

2. What is the latest you've ever woken up?:
I don't know, well into the afternoon.

3. Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't:
I am notoriously bad at getting ahold of people.

4. What is the last lame excuse you made?:
I tend to try to justify the frivolous purchases I make. I do a terrible job at it.

5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through (one of the long ones...?):
I'd rather just sleep.

6. When was the last time you got a good workout in?:
St. Louis City Museum. I also stared down my fear of enclosed spaces.

7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today?:
None, it's Sunday, yippee!



GLUTTONY (Eating too much and not allowing poor people to-ness)

1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice?:
I'll have Starbucks every once in awhile, but I prefer water.

2. Meat eaters: white meat or dark meat?:
Ick, I don't eat birds.

3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event?:
Not that much, I'm a total light weight.

4. Have you ever used a professional diet company?:
Why spend the money?

5. Do you have an issue with your weight?:
Not really. There are always things that could use improvement, but I'm alright with myself.

6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods?:
All of the above. Sweets after a meal, salty if I'm snacking and spicy if I'm having Thai *yum*.

7. Have you ever looked at a small pet or child and thought, "LUNCH"?:
What kind of a question is that? I don't want to eat them, I just want them to go away.



LUST (Slutti-ness)

1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)?:
Not alot. Probably 4 or 5 people, mostly girl friends.

2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)?:
Wow, I don't know if I can tally that one up. I was quite the exhibitionist in my early 20's.

3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation?:
Yes, not sexually, just staring into space.

4. Have you "done it"?:
Well, I'm 24, married, and not a freak of nature. So yes.

5. What is your favourite body part on a person of your gender of choice?:
Obviously eyes are good, nice smile, strong jaw. And I really like a nicely toned back. Call me crazy.

6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute?:
Oh my god, that's why he was waiting for a tip!

7. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy?:
Not an STD but I'm paranoid about pregnancy. I buy those little pee-sticks in bulk. Thank you Sam's Club!



GREED (Money-ness)

1. How many credit cards do you own?:
Alot, but only use one. Getting out of debt is HARD.

2. What's your guilty pleasure store?:
I'm a woman- Victoria's Secret, natch.

3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it?:
Pay off our house, get a car, take a trip and save it.

4. Would you rather be rich, or famous?:
I don't put myself together enough to be famous. I'd always be on the 'Don't' list.

5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks?:
Probably not, I'm not a fan of working anyway.

6. Have you ever stolen anything?:
I once took eight 600 count king size pillowcases at $30 a piece and returned them a week later. I had gas money for a month.

7. How many songs are on your hard drive?:
I don't know, probably not a lot.



PRIDE (Being proud of yourself-ness)

1. What's one thing you have done that you're most proud of?:
Landing me a pretty great guy who actually likes me too!

2. What's one thing you have done that your parents are most proud of?:
Hmm, I think my mom is pretty proud of the fact that I don't take shit from people.

3. What's one thing would you like to accomplish in your life?:
I want to learn the cello and get thru law school.

4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place?:
Not really. I'm usually just glad that I finished.

5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors?:
I don't think so, I don't really have competitive skill.

6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score?:
No, again, my fear of getting caught.

7. What did you do today that you're proud of?:
I got up before noon, huzzah!



ENVY (Wanting what is not yours-ness)

1. What item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for your own?
I find the word 'person' in this question a little strange. Phil, I really wish I had Bethany, she seems like a good person to talk to. So give her to me.

2. Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with?:
I hate that show so much. I would never give anyone free reign with my house.

3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be?:
I bet George Clooney gets a lot of ass... I'm just saying.

4. Have you ever been cheated on?:
I don't think so.

5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own?:
I've never really liked my hair or my thunder thighs.

6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself?.
Artistic-ness *is that even a word?*

7. Finally, what is your favorite deadly sin?:
My wrath keeps me warm at night.

Sleepy Town No Longer

This past Saturday Tom and I were woken up by our neighbors across the street. It was 2am and they apparently had a grudge match and put a guy into intensive care. Then, Sunday night the guy's brother came over and proceeded to break two of their windows in reprisal. I don't need this sh*t! Our neighborhood is comprised of retirees and young parents, but these people are crapping all over our nice little town. Most of you have probably heard my funny little anecdotes about how nasty and trailer-park these people are, but this situation is escalating into something scary and dangerous. In the three years we've lived here, I've given two police statements, taken them to court for threats and harassment, and made countless calls to local law enforcement. I'm no longer comfortable being home when they are, and every noise makes me jump. It seems silly and defeatist to move just to get away from these people. And, we don't have the funds or the right situation to do so. What's a girl to do? I welcome your thoughts on the current problem, as well as trashy and lawless people in general. Don't you love the American welfare system? Grr.

Warning: Jesus Crossing

Oh shit, she's ranting about religion!

This is a picture from the theater in Edwardsville where we went to see 'The DaVinci Code' on Friday night. There were about 20 people milling around the entrance with these signs. It's a little blurry, but it says: I love our Lord Jesus Christ! Reject the DaVinci Code!

Oh Boy. I mean, wow. Surprisingly, my knee-jerk reaction was not anger, but rather total bewilderment. I wondered if they even considered that calling attention to this pretty good, FICTIONAL movie just might make people more curious than appalled, thus boosting ticket sales for this movie that they're so opposed to. Or that protesting a FICTIONAL movie not only makes them look pathetically thin-skinned, but unwilling to foster healthy conversation over their chosen religion. *sigh*
First of all, let me say that I am not anything resembling a Bible scholar, but I think I know the general gist of the 'Jesus died for your sins' song and dance. I was, sadly, raised more Christian than most, and have come out on the other side feeling only disgusted. To me, Jesus is kind of like a really inspired artist with no talent: I appreciate the idea, but all I'm seeing is crap.

As far as religion goes, Tom and I prefer to remain undeclared. I appreciate Buddhism's focus on the way a person lives; I have the tendency to believe that there is 'something' more to our existence after we die, just because science tells us that energy is never destroyed, only changes form. I guess in the end I'm rather like an agnostic; I don't claim to know, for a certainty, that anything is able to be, or worth being believed.

Christians are a funny breed. Unfortunately, I live in an area *and in a family* that is overwhelmingly religious. The problem is, I believe in Reason and Healthy Debate, and there is nothing reasonable *at least to me* about the tenants of the church. And I've learned my lesson about trying to debate theology with a church goer- I think there's an unwritten clause that absolves them from violence committed in defense of their dogma. :)

So, *sigh* in summation, I guess my beef with most religion is this: It gives easy answers to impossible questions. It preys upon the weak minded. And, most of all, it supplies yet another way for one human to feel superior to another. I can't count the amount of times I've heard the phrase, "I'm not perfect, just forgiven." Which begs the conclusion that those of us not 'forgiven' are less, worse, and ignorant. Well, I'm definitely not perfect, but at least I'm not forgiven.

Dwight Schrute is a god

"I never smile if I can help it. Showing your teeth is a sign of submission in primates. Whenever I see someone smile, I just see a chimpanzee- begging for its life."

Hee hee hee!

Aimless...

Wow, it's been a long time since I've posted. I bet all three of you were so anxious.
Hmm, so what to say... life has been good lately. I'm getting ready to go back to school in the fall, which is loooong overdue. I'm pretty frickin excited about it, which is cool and will hopefully make me stick it out. It's not like it was ever particularly hard, I just have this damn stubborn streak that makes it really difficult at excelling at something that I have no interest in, such as anthropology class, or dishes. :) Anywhoo, things are quiet, not a peep from the crazies in the families. *and I just jinxsed myself* So, yeah, boring post. Next time we'll talk about homosexuals, or the flesh-eating disease sweeping across Hawaii. *no joke*

oh, and here's a fun essay on how we can fix America by the lovely folks at T-Shirt Hell. Two words for you Phil- Chum Bucket:
America Fixed in Five Paragraphs
America is currently facing two huge crises. Immigration is the one making all the headlines, but with gas prices passing three dollars a gallon, it shouldn’t be forgotten that we are also in the middle of an oil crisis. And while politicians waste all their time bickering and finger-pointing, both of these situations continue to worsen. That’s why I’m extremely pleased to announce that I have solved both of these problems simultaneously. The solution is very simple.

Cars fueled by Mexicans. I have designed a prototype and I am just amazed at the performance of this machine. Why this technology didn’t already exist, I’ll never know. Even more baffling is the fact that when I contacted America’s leading automakers, none showed interest. Most of them replied with a simple “Is this some kind of sick joke?” and hung up. I’m assuming I got this response because they didn’t take me seriously. But once I send them all a video of me putting parts of Mexicans into a blender, pouring them into a tank and demonstrating the car’s power, I’m sure the offers will come pouring in.

All of this is not to suggest that I don’t support alternative fuel sources. Hybrid cars and ethanol have both made immeasurable contributions to the cause, but they both have their setbacks. Hybrid cars, while environmentally friendly, offer very little power. And ethanol, for all of its positives, will ultimately leave farmland overworked and useless. And neither of these options does anything to help slow the immigration problem.

Cars fueled by Mexicans (CFM’s), on the other hand, provide many positives, and virtually no negatives. First and foremost is the fact that it will do wonders to curtail the illegal immigration problem facing this nation, but there’s so much more. They provide all the power of conventional autos with virtually no harmful effects on the environment. In fact, my design includes something not too dissimilar from a dryer’s lint-trap, which collects the bits of Mexican which don’t go toward fueling the car and make an excellent lawn fertilizer. And I haven’t even mentioned the fuel efficiency yet. My current design gets nearly 1,000 miles to the Mexican, depending on his or her weight. And considering how plentiful and renewable they are, I couldn’t possibly imagine a better option when you take our present situation into consideration.
So there you have it. The solution to not one, but two problems facing America. If I can find a sponsor or an automaker bold enough to think outside the box and back me financially, we should be able to roll these off the production line within six months. And if Congress approves my bill proposing that we ship unemployed African-Americans to other countries to help pay down the national debt, there’s two more problems solved. Keep your fingers crossed for a better America, and a better tomorrow.

Damn the Man

Well I feel like I've just been punched in the gut. The nice lady who does our taxes informed us that the high school hardly withheld any money at all this year, and we now OWE THE GOVERNMENT. Of course, we didn't expect this at all, especially since we got such a nice, tidy refund last year that funded our property taxes. This also seems suspect, because there is nothing different about our finances since last year. Tom still makes shit, I still make whatever is lower than shit, and we haven't filed any new paperwork or anything. So I'm just going crazy over this. Tom also told me that one of his co-workers got majorly screwed up in the same way, so I'm wondering if this is some huge conspiracy to make science teachers all over the US (or at least in Collinsville) to be even more piss poor than they already are. Of course, I've refused a long time ago to understand anything about taxes, or any other thing that takes money from me that could be used on footwear or groceries. :) So, if any of you have opinions or light to shed, please do. Meanwhile, I'm meeting with the tax lady tomorrow to grovel and offer my first born... and maybe Tom for a night, you know, whatever.

The Whole Fam Damn-ily

With the birthday and holiday season coming to a close in my family, I'm breathing a sigh of relief. In the mixture of Irish and Italian, with a dash of German in-laws and out-laws; there is a delicate balance. Tom could tell you, and he'd be right, that uranium is way more stable than the inner workings of my family- where most everybody hates somebody else. My big beef is with my step-sister. She's about 8 years older than me, quite the Bible-thumper, with two children Fed-Ex'ed directly from Satan and a husband whose polite conversation consists of descriptive grunts and the odd sports jargon. Now I don't want to seem superior, but this woman takes every chance she can to prove how superior she is to everyone else. "I don't know how Lulu could live in the house that she does, it's so plain" or, "Well sure, there are a lot of people (Tom and Sarah) who are having intelligent debates and are still going straight to Hell." Heehee. She has actually inspired my purchase of anger-healing/-dealing texts. But as much as I'd love to give in to Thich Nhat Hanh's opening of my chakras, I have to admit that I get a certain satisfaction out of LOATHING her so much. I dunno, maybe it'll give me cancer or a wandering spleen, but it's nice to have a purpose. I can only hope that she contracts something worse. :)